One end is home and the other is horizon, and they are held by different people. The cautious native acquires an expansive partner whose schemes are alarming and whose company is impossible to give up. The expansive native acquires somebody who counts the money and is resented for it. Either way the argument is conducted between two people when it belongs inside one, and both parties become more extreme with every round, which is how oppositions maintain themselves.
The observable form is a recurring quarrel about scale. Should we move, should we risk it, is this enough. A parent looms in the background as either the one who stayed put and shrank, or the one who went off and left, and the native has sworn privately not to repeat whichever it was. Holidays, houses and the education of children become disproportionately charged. Homesickness abroad and claustrophobia at home alternate, sometimes within the same fortnight.
What resolves it is not compromise, which merely produces a life too small to enjoy and too loose to rest in. It is holding both: a base kept genuinely secure so that the risks can be genuinely taken. Natives who arrive at this become notably good counsellors on other people's large decisions, since they have argued every side of it at home for years. Those who do not simply keep changing partners and finding, with weary surprise, that the new one soon starts saying the old one's lines.
What It Gives
- ◆sound judgement on others' large decisions
- ◆tolerance of very different temperaments
- ◆both caution and daring available
- ◆loyalty across long absences
What It Costs
- ◆the scale argument fought endlessly
- ◆risk and safety split between partners
- ◆homesickness alternating with confinement
This is one line of a whole chart. The rest of it — every placement, house and aspect at once — is a birth date away.
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